Familiar - Part V
Serialized Fiction
This is part five of a series. If you have not read the first four parts, please start here:
Part V
November ushered in a welcome drop in temperature and the feeling of the season that Dani always associated with her birthday, which was on the last day of the month.
Since her and Stephanie’s discussion at Molly’s the month before, Dani had started bringing her lunch to work more often and eating at her desk. Jason had been noticeably disappointed on more than one occasion when she told him she wouldn’t be going out for lunch. “Trying to save money” had been her excuse, but she was pulling back from him. The thought of people gossiping about them had jolted her out of the spell of an impossible crush, even if she still felt it. She could not wash away the grime of their chatter while she played in the mess of it.
When Dani’s move to special projects finally came, she felt relief and was grateful. True to his word, Jason planned a happy hour with the new construction team to send her off, the day before she was to move her office. It was to take place directly after the workday at a bar and grill near the office, so everyone could stop in and wish Dani well before heading home.
Dani spent most of the day packing and purging her things in preparation for the move. Years of stuff cluttered her desk drawers, notes and photos pinned to the wall, and drawings stored under the drafting table at the back of her office space. She gave away an estimating book she never cracked during her entire time there, as well as an outdated volume of duct standards. She was mildly mortified to find four boxes of binder clips in a desk drawer and returned those to the supplies cabinet along with some folders and unused divider tabs.
She kept the thank-you cards from two of her customers, a note from Stephanie that told Dani she “did not wake up today to be a weak ass bitch,” when Dani had been having an especially hard time on a job, and the photo of them at a vendor event from two years ago. She also kept a group photo from an industry event in which she and Jason stood side by side, smiling. Dani only now noticed how close they were standing in the photo, which had been posted online after it was taken. They were leaning into each other, just slightly. She felt herself flush and stuffed it into a folder labeled “References” to file in her new office.
Had others noticed it, too? Did the photo scream infidelity to anyone who knew them? Screaming infidelities! She heard the Dashboard Confessional song sing out in her head. Dani reminded herself that there had been no infidelity. Nothing physical had ever happened between them. Let them think what they want, she thought. But the truth of her feelings left a coating of guilt on her conscience, and her reassurance to herself fell, thin and flimsy, against it.
When she arrived at the bar later, everyone from the new construction team was already there. She had a meeting with Todd late in the day, which held her up for 30 minutes longer than expected. He wanted to bring her up to speed on a couple of projects that she would be taking over, and Dani was not about to tell him that she needed to leave so she could drink beer with her old coworkers.
Dani walked up to the large table the team occupied, and they all clapped and shouted, “Hey!” or “There she is!” Besides Ross, Dani really did love the people on her team. Even the loud, over-the-top conspiracy theory-loving Gary, who ran field production. He had given her a heavy ration of shit when she first started at Hydra, but over the years, he had grown fond of her and even become a champion of her career advancement. He was the first to stand and gave her a side hug, holding a mug of beer in his other hand.
“You done good,” he gently shook her with the hand around her shoulder, “I’m sorry we’re losing you, but you’re going to do big things over there.” Dani squeezed Gary back with her right arm around his ribs.
“Thanks.” She smiled up at him.
With that, Gary emptied his mug and said goodbye. He never went to after-work events, so Dani was touched that he had come and waited for her before he left. She took his seat and found she was sitting directly across from Jason. Just as they had always been. He was beaming at her as a hand clapped her on the back from her left. She turned away from Jason to acknowledge Ross with reluctant thanks.
There were five men plus her, and they all took turns congratulating her on a lateral move, which she found amusing. It was no secret, however, that this could open doors for further advancement, and she was thankful for their support. Ross was graciously not his usual creepy self and left after finishing his drink, leaving the rest of them there to banter and recount stories, old and new. The table was loud with raucous laughter, and Dani’s spirits lifted with the sound of it.
She found her cheeks fatigued from all of the laughing as she piled on with the men, sharing the most ridiculous stories from their projects and the characters they worked with, Ross included. Dani felt a kinship with them and knew she would miss this. For all of their shortcomings, they were a decent group of guys who had mostly treated her like a sister while she was there. They were inappropriate and hilarious, and of all of them, only Ross had ever creeped her out.
She didn’t love the way they spoke of some of the other female employees, but they had been good to her. Wasn’t that always the way with people? Nothing was ever black and white, and this industry was so dominated by men that it was bound to progress slowly in the direction of being woman-friendly. It didn’t excuse them, and Dani chastised them when she could, but wasn’t their treatment of her evidence of improvement? Besides, Dani didn’t think calling out every infraction was hers to do. She had a hard enough time holding people who wronged her directly to account.
By the second hour, only Steve was still there, along with Jason, and he had already asked for his check.
“We’ll miss you, Dani girl.” He said as he filled out the tip and signed the receipt. It was what they all called her. It may have bothered some women, but she knew it was an endearment. “Don’t be a stranger.”
“I won’t,” Dani promised, and Steve high-fived her on the way out, which made Dani laugh because that had been her signature move whenever she passed someone in the hall at work. It made people engage with her and almost always made them smile, so it became a habit. It felt good to watch their faces light up and to see them respond to her invitation to celebrate nothing at all for just a moment.
Dani smiled as she watched Steve walk away, then turned to find Jason watching her. He was also smiling, as he had been the whole time, but now there was something else in that smile. A glint in his eyes.
“So,” he started, “Here we are.”
They both laughed at the inside joke. Whenever things went from crazy to totally still and quiet at work, one of them would end up saying it. Dani, feeling the beer and a little sentimental, confessed, “I’m really going to miss you guys.”
“I know. Mostly me.” Jason lifted his pint to his lips, then smiled at her again. Dani felt herself return the smile, involuntarily. She felt the fever rise within her chest, burning out onto her skin, the flush painting her decolletage.
“That’s true.” It felt more like a sinful confession than the lighthearted response she wanted it to be. A long pause hung between them, and Dani broke eye contact first, laughing.
“What?” Jason chuckled.
“That was weird.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know,” she looked down into her pint, “Isn’t it weird?”
“It’s something.” Jason said, “I don’t think weird is the word for it.”
Dani looked back up at him, emboldened by her slight buzz, “Are we going to say it out loud now?”
“Say what?” Jason smiled.
“Don’t do that,” She shook her head, “Don’t leave it all on me.”
Jason sat up and leaned in, “You know I’m attracted to you, Dani.”
The sound of the words rocked her, and she could only look at him. He continued, “I know you feel the same way. I know we have a connection. I felt it from day one.”
“Jason,” Dani began, “What does it matter? You’re married.”
“Right,” he nodded, “but what if I wasn’t?”
“What are you talking about? You are. That’s all that counts.” Dani felt the surprise of anger floating up, just below the surface.
“Things aren’t working out between Kayla and me.” Jason blurted. “We’ve been in counseling for a year, and it isn’t helping. We’re talking about separating.”
“Shit.” Dani breathed, anger receding and empathy coming forward. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Jason assured her, “It’s been coming for a while. We can’t get on the same page about anything, and now we just resent each other. I don’t think either of us wants to try anymore.”
“That’s really sad.” Dani meant it. She knew Jason and his wife had been together since college, and he was four years older than Dani, who was 28. Ten years, it must have been. That was a lot of time to invest in something to have it fail. They must have been very much in love at some point to have made it that far.
“That’s life.” Jason turned his pint with one hand, “It was sad, now it’s just exhausting. Thank god we don’t have kids.”
Dani nodded at this. “Will you go back to Iowa?” That was where Jason and his wife were from and where their families still lived.
“Nah. Nothing there for me, work-wise.” Jason sat back in his chair and lifted his glass, “She probably will, though.”
Dani sat, looking at him as her mind calculated the outcomes. She considered what it would look like if she and Jason got together right after he split from his wife. Would it look like she had been the cause? Wouldn’t he be rebounding? How long after would it be appropriate for them to start seeing each other?
“I see wheels turning.” Jason interrupted, and Dani smiled at him.
“I was just thinking about how I could take over your position if you did go back, and stay in new construction.” She lied, “Sure you don’t want to move back home?”
“Good luck with that.” Jason chuckled and finished his beer, “Want another?”
“Nah, I need to get home, and I don’t want to deal with an Uber. First day tomorrow, and I want to be at my best.” Dani framed her face with her hands and gave an exaggerated smile. Jason smiled back, but looked disappointed.
“Alright then,” he leaned to grab his wallet from his back pocket, “let me get the check, and I’ll walk you out.”
When they were outside the doors, Dani led Jason toward her car. It was dark out, and she was grateful Jason was with her, as the spot was now very dark, since the light above the area was out. Something she couldn’t have known when she arrived in the daylight.
“Jesus,” Jason said, “did you know you were parked in the rape zone?”
“I did see a sign posted.” Dani laughed, “But, no, I didn’t know the light was out over here.” They reached her car door, and Dani turned to Jason. “Let me drive you back to your truck.”
“That’s OK,” Jason smiled at her, “I’m not really rape material.”
“Well, thank you for this.” Dani gestured to the bar, then hugged him. They held onto each other for a long time. Longer than they ever had before, and with intent. It felt good. Dani finally felt Jason release, so she did the same, but when she pulled back, his lips found hers, and her body reacted instinctively, and without permission. Her mouth kissed him back, starved for him. Her fingers slid through the short hair on the back of his head, pulling him in, closer, while her other hand was on his chest, clenching his shirt. He moved his mouth from her lips to her neck, where he bit her urgently but tenderly. She could not have stopped the moan that came from her throat if she had tried. His hands were pulling up her shirt to gain access to the skin beneath. When his cold fingers touched her bare waist, she gasped, not from the shock of cold, but because every cell in her body was electrified and nearly angry with desire.
How long had it been since the last time someone had touched her? Six months? Seven? Dani had started to wonder if she would ever feel herself overtaken by sexual desire again. She wondered now if it had ever felt like this before. This was wild and uncontrollable. Primal need coursed through her like a drug, dulling her sensibilities and driving her mad with want.
Her hands were now unbuttoning Jason’s shirt, and their mouths had found each other again. He moaned into hers, “Damn, Dani girl,” and it set her on fire. Her hands started for his belt as his found her breasts.
Somehow, through the shimmering heat of their desire, Dani remembered where they were and stopped her hands. “Not here.” She breathed as Jason continued kneading her breasts and kissing her neck.
“OK.” He pulled back, “Your place?” Dani stood, chest heaving for a moment, as her senses fought like hell to return to her.
“Let’s not do this right now.” She forced herself to say, pulling down her shirt.
Jason watched her, an alarmed expression on his face, “Yeah, OK.” His hands were out at his sides, palms up, like someone had just taken something from him. Dani laughed, in spite of herself.
“It isn’t right,” she continued, “Let’s give this a fair shot. After you are separated, at least.”
Jason nodded, but his face betrayed the agreement. “You’re right. I know you’re right. But god damn, I want you so badly right now.” Dani felt these words run through her body like they were part of his, and she shook from the impact. She wanted to reach out and grab him. To laugh at the Devil and get into the back of her car with him.
Instead, she buttoned his shirt back up and told him, “Remember how you feel right now when you’re free to act on it.” Jason grinned at her and put his hands on her face, then kissed her softly, with closed lips. He lingered, and she almost opened her mouth to invite him back in, but she held her ground until they parted.
“Goodnight, Dani.”
She opened up her car door and got in, then turned to him and smiled. “Goodnight, Jason.”
***
When Dani got home, it was just after nine o’clock. She texted Stephanie.
Are you awake?
She waited for the three dots indicating an incoming response, but after a couple of minutes, she gave up and undressed. She checked her phone again, still nothing. So she went to the kitchen to drink some water and take some melatonin. She would need it to calm the fire from her encounter with Jason enough for sleep.
She slipped under her goose down comforter, an early birthday gift to herself, and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to think about what had happened. Dani had always been fearful about becoming obsessed with anything. As a teen, she watched her friends lose their minds over boy bands, kissing posters on their walls, and even crying while watching their concert videos. Dani was embarrassed for them and refused to let herself get wrapped up in the fandom of anyone or anything.
Later, when she had her first real crush on a boy in junior high, she hated the feeling it gave her. The yearning for a boy who probably didn’t even know her name reminded her of those girls, pining for something that wasn’t theirs, and so she denied herself the very thought of him. She would not give in to the desire to write awful poetry about her feelings, and definitely not embarrass herself by writing him a note. She even told her best friend that she didn’t like him anymore. Eventually, the feelings faded, and she felt she had overcome something other girls could not. She found that she had restraint, and that made her feel powerful.
Right now, however, the restraint was hard to come by.
Her phone chimed. Steph, thank god, she thought as she picked it up and looked at the screen.
You were right to stop us, but I won’t be able to sleep tonight. ;)
With one text, she felt his hands on her again. His lips against her own. Dammit. She stared at the words and thought about how to respond, but anything that came to mind would only fan the flames. She could have stayed up all night, texting flirty things with him, but to what end? Where could it go right now?
“Nowhere,” Dani responded to her own internal question and set the phone face down on her nightstand. Eventually, the melatonin took over, and her eyes closed.
I love you so much for being here! Ready to keep going?
XO, M